Friday, December 16, 2016


I've been thru it all. Fertility testing, steroids, vaginal probes. I carried a sperm cup in my bra to get tested. There is nothing wrong. Old stuff, eggs and sperm..but lots of them and healthy ones at that.
You think that would be a relief...but no. It isn't.
I looked back at my tracking nd we just haven't had sex when I was fertile. I've told him...but nothing. Even this month; when I've been on the pills and steroids, no caffeine, doing all the things the dr asked and we aren't having sex. I'm in the family room crying and he is asleep.
Why?? I'm not the one that wants this. What is this sick game? When do I say enough? HOW do I say ENOUGH?!?!

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Every day in may

What do you do when everything single thing you do is wrong?
When you feel happy...but then it's do process that and ever trust the happy?

Saturday, April 30, 2016

Fertility and fatness.

I'm angry at my body for letting me down.
I dont know how to process it besides purging.