thanks, me.

i have lost 11.8 pounds this week. i am smack dab in the middle of my comfort zone.
i have maintained all of my muscles, added a few i'm sure.

but my skin hurts, my body shakes,
and i couldn't have sex with my husband today.

i just couldn't.

last night i had recollections of my mother telling me "boys won't like you if you do that"
she used it for everything.
acted sassy, ate, picked my scabs, got a bad grade.
"you won't find a husband if you _____"

and i wonder why my self esteem is based in boys?
i know why not keeping the only boy i've ever really loved makes me take my issues to new levels.

if i improved ______, the boy would like me.
he would stay.

thanks, mom.